I droped all games. Arena FPS became my last stand against depression. I played with friends and they all started hate me irl because im a very good player for them. i always win with them. someday i tried to pick up a game with random people. i got destroyed. in game and mentally. i knew i`m a bad player for an average arena player, but now i dont know what should i do. i watched some pro league games and that got me excited, but now even thoughts about improving and becoming a good player in AFPS gives me anxiety. no more games are intresting for me. friends left me for dota 2 and such games. i would like to stream these games, but when i`m playing against a good player i get completely lost on a map. i cannot time, i cannot aim. i just want to delete every afps on my pc, but knowing this will crash my last dream for my life.
i wish i had a buddy to play with in Diabotical
but i cant be sure with it, because id like to just play alone on the empty maps like i do for >3 years
and every game with people gives me strange feeling about upcoming pain for 1 week, but strange pleasure for playing this awesome game
winning means nothing
loosing means everything
i dont know what`s it
anyone experienced this?
there is no light for improving. I watch lots of matches, i understand the match
i play my game i`m confused